I don't think I wrote a post on my latest pregnancy. This one has been the most difficult, probably because this time I had two kids to take care of and one of them was just a little over 15mo. I was just beyond exhausted all the time. That's probably why I haven't written anything since April. I was about 16 weeks before I started feeling this looming cloud of fatigue and sickness float away. I had stated to feel closer to my old self at about that time, even though I was still going to bed at 10pm and feeling like I could sleep till 9:30am and still take a nap in the afternoon.
At 20 weeks Brian and I had our ultrasound appointment. Naturally, we were pretty excited to find out the gender of our baby, much like anyone one else is at this time, and on the drive up there, we really didn't think about much else. Like the REAL reason we have sonograms is to check how the baby is growing and to make sure everything is developing well. The gender reveal is actually second on the importance scale.
We walk into the sonogram room and we begin to see our baby on the monitor. Brian and I were clueless, but I'm pretty sure the sonographer saw right away there was a problem. She begins to look around a little closer and I mention to her that it seems like the picture is not very clear. This is where she tells us: it seems like I am running low on amniotic fluid. She continues to look a little further then tells us she really can't see anything and for us to go have our appointment with our OB Dr. In hindsight, this appointment went very differently then it did with Reese. Not only because of the lack of fluid which I was somewhat concerned about, but I had heard of these issues before, and they worked themselves out right? This time around, the sonographer was very rushed, she did very well to hide the look of concern on her face and she got us with our Dr. very quickly. When our Dr. came in, she told us she already had an appointment set up with a specialist for us in Frisco who had better machines and who delt with these issues all the time. We said ok, still not understanding the severity of this situation.
They literally rushed us out of the office and we drove to our next appointment. On the car ride over there, half of me was slightly concerned, but the other half (a larger half) just knew everything would be ok. We were still hoping that these new people, with their awesome machines, would be able to tell us the gender of our baby.
We get onto a room and a sonographer takes a look at our baby once again. Again she tells us I am low on fluid and that's why she can't see much of the baby. For the sonogram machine to work, there needs to be fluid to bounce off of. She still couldn't see the gender.
Soon after the sonographer leaves the room the Dr. comes in to talk to us. He gets the baby on the monitor again and tells us, "it's not that you have LOW fluid. You have NO fluid." Now, even I, in my ignorant "everything will be fine" state, knew something was terribly wrong and that the amniotic fluid is a pretty essential part of growing a healthy baby. He then tells us that the reason I don't have any amniotic fluid is because my baby doesn't have any kidneys. Our baby's kidneys never formed. He went on to explain that the amniotic fluid comes from the urine the baby produces, then swallows, to also help with lung formation. Since our baby didn't have fluid, or kidneys, our baby also didn't have lungs. It seems you can't have one thing without the other. This is when it hit me. Babies can survive without kidneys, people have transplants and survive all the time. But no lungs? Half of our baby's insides were missing. The only reason our baby still had a heart beat (not a great one) and was still growing (not very well) was because it was still attached to me and the organs it was missing were not essential for life inside the womb. This is called Potters Sequence.
Words cannot describe the feelings we were feeling when we heard all this. Devastated doesn't even come close. The Dr. said if we wanted an MRI to confirm and be 100% sure he would set us up for an appointment. We said yes and our appointment was set for the earliest time Parkland had available. Friday at 4:00pm. This was Wednesday afternoon.
Even though I should have been somewhat hopeful, I just knew the MRI wouldn't tell us anything we didn't already know. And since our appointment was at 4:00pm on a Friday, I was just praying we would have quick results and a clear sign for the choices we where going to have to soon make.
I think here is where God really started to show himself to me. I was half expecting to get the MRI, they would file it away, and I wouldn't hear back from the Dr. till Monday or Tuesday. When I got there, I asked if I would be able to have the results after the MRI, and they told me yes, there was a Dr. on call 24-7. That was better then I could have even asked for. After I got my regular clothes back on, the Dr. had us back in her office. The Dr. Confirmed everything. Our baby had Potter's Sequence. She was so tender hearted and sweet, she actually started crying when I did. But there was answer to prayer #2. We would now be able to make a clear choice on what to do from here.
Earlier that day, I had called my Dr.'s office to see if I could go ahead and schedule an induction just in case they were going to be booked up. IF this was what we were going to do, I did not want to have to wait all week. We made the apt. for the upcoming Monday at 5:00 am with the on-call Dr. BUT if I wanted to go in that Friday night after the MRI, MY Dr. would be on call that weekend and she said she would do it.
God had just answered another one of our prayers. For direction and for a clear sign of what choice we needed to make. The choice was clear. I was going to go ahead and induce labor at 20 weeks and 5 days. I called my Dr. while in the car driving home from Parkland. I didn't need to wait till Monday, I could come in that Friday night and be with MY Dr. This was another answer to prayer. Not one that I specifically prayed for, but I was SO grateful that MY Dr. would be delivering my baby. Just a sign that God was in control, He was looking out for me and that this was the right choice.
We had to run home pack a bag and tell the girls goodnight. Thankfully it's summer time and my mom was able to stay with the girls. It would have been so much more stressful had it been during school season.
We got checked into the hospital and settled into our room. My nurses were great and God showed himself to us again. We started talking to my nurse and she told us she got into nursing because of situations like ours. She had gone through what we were experiencing more then once and felt like she could help others like her. And she did.
Labor was hard. Since I only had c-sections I had no idea what to expect this time around. They gave me some pain killers and eventually some Ambien to delay giving me an epidural, but it got to a point where I NEEDED the epidural.
It was probably close to 12 hrs. before I had my baby. Thankfully I was able to labor at night, so Brian and I were able to get some sleep. After a total of about 5 pushes, my baby girl was born. We named her Laine, since that is a girl name we thought of if we had a girl.
This is not an experience I would have chosen to go through. It is hard to bury a child, no matter how long they have been with you. Laine was with us for 21 weeks. She did not know us, but she knew her maker and she went to go be with Him before she even made it into this world. For that I am thankful.
This is not a perfect world. Horrible things happen all the time. Just because I am a believer, doesn't mean I get a free pass. But what I believe I do get, is the ability to see that God was with me the entire time. I did not go through that suffering alone and He put the people in my life that I needed. From family and friends who continuously kept us in their prayers, to the Dr.'s and nurses who happen to be in the same place I was. For this I am grateful.
A list of ten. Or a list of diez things.
12 hours ago