What.Is.Going.On?

Towards the end of May, preschool was about to be done, and I had A LOT to do to wrap up the school year. During that time, I felt a bump in my throat and it was hard to swallow, but I was also having other allergy symptoms, so that's what I thought it was. After a few days it seemed to have gone away, with my other allergies, so I didn't think about it again. A couple of weeks later, beginning of June, I felt the lump in my throat again, but again, just thought it was allergies. One night I woke up and I thought I couldn't breath. I think that If I had an epi-pen I would have used it. It freaked me out so much that went to the Dr. that very morning. She checked my throat and she said my thyroid felt a little swollen. They went head and did some blood work that later showed up that I have no food allergies (my mom is allergic to tons of things) and just your basic seasonal allergies like mountain cedar, grass etc.... Since the blood work came out fine, she referred me to a sonographer to have an ultrasound done on my thyroid. I wasn't in a huge hurry, my parents were in Brazil, so I had to wait for them to get back so my mom could watch Maddie, and in general, I wasn't to worried about it. I waited about a week then made the appointment for Wednesday the following week. By then, I could really feel it when I swallowed and I could also feel it on the outside, like there was a bump sticking out or something. No one else could see it, but I could.

It wasn't until the next Tuesday, that my Dr. called me back and said that there was a hard mass on my Thyroid. From the sonogram they could tell it was not a cyst, but it was a mass of some sort. She gave me the comforting news that it still could be a million different things and to not worry about it. Then she made an appointment for me to go to Plano Presby Hospital and have some imaging done. The appointment was for the following Wednesday and Thursday. Wednesday I went to the hospital and took a radioactive pill with Iodine. Then on Thursday I went back and they took some pictures using an ultrasound. Apparently Iodine and Radiation are like magnets to the Thyroid. The Thyroid will soak up all the iodine and radiation and from that the Dr. will be able to tell more about what is on the Thyroid. If it had soaked up all the liquids, it would have meant I had a goiter (which is swelling of the thyroid) or a functioning nodule (or a hot nodule i.e. a nodule that produces hormones) Hot nodules are always benign. However, there was a large spot on my thyroid that didn't take up any of the liquids. This is called a cold nodule. Which is a mass on my thyroid that isn't doing anything ( 95% benign). I got these results back on Friday and by Thursday the next week I had an appointment with an ENT in Plano to talk about doing a biopsy. My Dr. also said that IF it is cancer, out of all cancers a person wants to get is thyroid and testicular cancer. They are the easiest to cure because they don't really spread and they take a long time to grow.

This ENT didn't really tell me a whole lot I didn't know before. He felt my throat and confirmed again that Thyroid nodules are VERY common, most people don't even know they have them and 95% of all thyroid nodules are benign. He said my age is a good factor for it being benign, however, my nodule (by this point) was large for a nodule. It is clearly visible (for people who see me everyday) that there is something there and the fact that its a cold nodule raise the possibility for cancer. He also said that either way it would be a good idea for me to have surgery to have it removed because of its size and biopsy's are not 100% correct.

The next Monday I was made an appointment to have the biopsy done on Wednesday and I had to go ahead and make the surgery for the following Monday, June 25th. It was either then, or August 23rd. Which, if it were benign, I could probably wait that long, but then school would have started a week later, and I would have no time for recovery. Another crappy thing was that we were planning on going to a family reunion and float down the Brazos River, then take Maddie to Sea World that weekend and we wouldn't be back until the 27th. But...it needs to be done, so the 25th is it. Bummer.

Needles to say these past 6 weeks or so have been absolute torture. With bad news after bad news...it seems like the chances for this thing being benign are getting slimmer and slimmer. I also didn't like that it took SO LONG to get from appointment to appointment. I feel like I could have been over with this already. Having to wait a whole week in between appointments plus the weekend, and not to mention the whole time thinking the worst. I don't think anyone could help it though. Thinking the worst. Especially if you have kids. The first thought in your mind ALWAYS goes to your babies. What will happen to Maddie if......? Or what is Maddie going to be thinking if.....? Will she understand? These thoughts are terrible and will eat you up inside, so I did my best to think positive and stay busy so I wouldn't even think about it at all. I was just wanting to get the biopsy done. It was a hurdle I wanted and needed to jump over.

While in the hospital Baylor Plano this time, it all came crashing down. This was real, it was really happening and all my thoughts about Maddie and my family kept swirling around. It was hard to keep from completely hyperventilating in the waiting room. The Biopsy was not pleasant. The Dr. gave me some local anesthetic which really hurt, then he poked me 4 times with 4 different needles. I couldn't feel the needles through the skin, but I could feel them in my throat. It was a weird feeling. Finally I was done.

Today I got the call. It was benign. I almost cried of joy and relief, but I think I'm all cryed out. I literally feel a HUGE burden lifted off of me. I feel like I carried it this whole time.

I'm still scheduled for surgery on Monday. They will be removing half of my thyroid. While doing the biopsy, they found another very very small nodule on the left side, but they are not concerned. It would be wiser to just keep an eye on it and leave me with half of my thyroid, so as to not need to take hormones the rest of my life. The surgery will be at the same place I went for my ear surgery. Forest Park Surgery Center. I loved that place it was very new and nice. This surgery will take approximately 3 hrs and I may or may not stay over night. While I'm still under, they will take the nodule and biopsy it one more time to be 100% positive its benign.

When I first got the bad news I wondered why all these things keep happening. This will be my 2nd surgery in 5 months. Not to mention the personal goals Brian and I have set for ourselves that for many other reasons we have not been able to achieve quite yet. I have been shown time and time again that God works in His time. Not mine. I need to remember that He is with me ALWAYS and that His plan is SO much greater then mine. I think he is trying to teach me to lean on Him and give everything up to Him and to stop trying to control the directions I take in my life. I praise Him for being with me through this rough time. I always remember that He never allows us to be in situations we cannot handle.